the little things

month one

I can't believe a month has passed since Grayson entered this crazy world!  I know I can count on finding myself saying this for the rest of my life, but where has the time gone?! Truly. Goodness. It really does go SO fast!

What an amazing, amazing (whirlwind, but AMAZING!) month this has been!

Just to remember a few little things for Grayson's first month:

-We say our prayers every night. I admit, I usually tear up at some point. My cup hath runneth over. :)

-Not sure how much Grayson weighs just yet. Appointment was set to be this coming Monday, but had to be rescheduled for next Thursday due to my surgery. Poo. But, I can't wait to see what he's gained!

-He's so, so tiny he barely fits into Newborn sizes! And even some larger Newborn sizes still don't fit! 

-He has the scrawniest little legs!

-I love when he's in a deep sleep and starts giggling and smiling. Totally melts us!

-He's so good during church (usually sleeps) and everyone loves seeing him!

-I had to start supplement feeding this week and breaks my heart. He had only breastmilk for his first 3 weeks, but last week my supply was really low and he wasn't getting enough. After some research and chats with my OB Nurse-cousin, I decided supplementing would be best. 

-He sleeps an average of 8 hours a night. Sometimes straight through, most often that time is split in half.

-He's such a lovey baby. He loves to nuggle!

-The last few days he's really become so much more alert and content when he's awake! I love it!

-He loves his Little Lamb swing. The Little Lamb vibrating seat? Not so much.

-I think he likes Kate Middleton. He "watched" her like crazy during the wedding yesterday! haha! ;)

Life is good. Again, I am blessed. Just soaking up every moment I can as this blessing's mama. I can't thank God enough for all He has given me. 

On a side note: please remember to pray for those down south who were effected by those horrible tornadoes this week. A friend's fiance lived in Tuscaloosa and lost everything he owned, like so many others. The video and photos are just devastating.  Praying!

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement on my last post. I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers and know it will all be a-okay. Trusting in His plan. :) Plus, I can't wait to be able to eat more than toast, rice and green beans! haha.

unexpected.

The week started out so well. A happy afternoon spent with Nate and Grayson and then a nice evening with mom and Phil with a surprise visit to see Tricia Monday.  

After Grayson and I returned home Monday night, we kept busy with getting him diapered and fed and soothed enough to get to bed.  Once he fell asleep at 10:30, I used some "down time" to get caught up on emails, Facebook and just plain ol' surfing the web. An hour quickly went by and I decided to just stay up for Nate just so we could swap "hi's, goodnights and I love you's" before I tried to get some shut eye, because after all, it is very hard to predict just how much shut eye one will actually get with a newborn, ya know? ;)

Nate normally gets home at 12:20 every night..errrr..morning. Well, right as I shut the Mac's lid down and was about to plop on the couch, at midnight exactly, I felt a really hard stomach pain. I waited and breathed it out for about 5 minutes, knowing it was just gas or something and would certainly be all better within a couple minutes. Right?

Wrong.

That quick, hard pain suddenly turned into absolute misery. A pain I never want to experience again. Ever. Worse than labor pains. No joke. It was quick. It was hard. It was strong. and it wasn't letting up. It went from my stomach right up to my chest. I couldn't breathe. I tried walking, sitting, laying, stretching, crouching, drinking water. Nothing worked. It just kept getting worse.

After what seemed like forever, I couldn't take it any longer and called Nate asking where he was in a panic. Thankfully, he was just houses away. He rushed in the door and found me crouched over our couch in utter pain. I dialed my mom and told him he had to take me to the hospital right away.  He spoke with my mom and got things ready, just as I headed for the bathroom. I got SO sick.  I don't think I've ever been that sick.

Then came the even more scary part. I started vomiting blood. That's never happened before either. Thank goodness mom only lives 4 minutes away.

As soon as she got there Nate took me to the closest hospital about 4 minutes away. I was so scared. I honestly thought something from the delivery of Grayson was not right. I was so worried something seriously may have been wrong.

I remember getting to the ER and the register-girl thought I was in labor!  I couldn't walk upright. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. It was horrible.

They whisked me into an exam room while Nate got me registered and I immediately started vomiting again. But way worse. I was even more terrified. "What in the world is happening to me?!" was all I could think. The RN was amazing and was so comforting. Especially after finding out I had a 4 week old at home.

Nate rubbed my leg as I tried to breathe and "ignore" the pain and the nurse tried to get my IV's going. It took her 2 tries, but she finally got it and once the Morphine hit and the Prilosec took over I started to feel relief. For the first time in an hour.

Moments later Phil showed up to be with us. Then the doctor came in and said they'd need to do bloodwork and an ultrasound.

I had all that done and an hour later, Phil left and gram and gramp showed up!  I have the best family ever!  I felt terrible that they were there though. 2:30 in the morning and all. But, they insisted on being there and I was grateful.

Right after they came the doctor came in with the ultrasound results and said the blood work came back just fine, but unfortunately the ultrasound showed lots of gallstones and an inflamed gallbladder. Ugh.

Conclusion?  A gallbladder attack. =Getting it removed as soon as possible. I couldn't believe it and was not a happy camper.

So, fast forward to today where I went to my family physician where he confirmed it definitely needed to come out as soon as possible or I would continue to have attacks. He said just what so many of friends on Facebook said, it's very common with women who have had babies.

An hour later I met with the surgeon for a final opinion. He said the same as the 2 doctor's before and scheduled me to have it removed this coming Monday.

My thoughts? Grateful for at least a diagnosis and reason for all that excruciating pain, but also frustrated, overwhelmed, and mentally and emotionally drained.

This is not an uncommon surgery whatsoever. As a matter of fact, it's the same procedure I had this time last year (expect that one was for infertility).  But, I am doing so well after having Grayson, c-section and all. And now the thought of another surgery. Another recovery.  More time. More money. More appointments and medicine.

Mom having to watch Grayson. Getting more behind on things, etc. It's just a lot.

I trust in the Lord's plan though. That's all I can do. I  have faith He will allow this to go smoothly and that I will be feeling much better than I have in a long while.

I know I'll be just fine. It's just the unexpected. I'll deal. :)

Now, because this post was so downing, I must leave with something super positive:

I never, ever knew I could love someone so much!

hippity hoppity...

Our little Easter bunny getting ready to head to his grandma and grandpa's to celebrate the day!

This was not the original Easter outfit, but since Grayson's so small, he just doesn't fit into much! I was so happy this little newborn one fit him though! :)

We had such a wonderful Easter, celebrating with family. Our first holiday as a family of 3. Grayson was so good most of the day. I loved being with our family and eating all that good stuff! (When Grayson was begging to be fed first! Haha!). My strawberry poundcake trifle was a big hit-no leftovers! Woot!  I think I know what I'll be bring every Easter from here on out! 

Our bunny and his first basket. Full of what else? Books! And his first Chuggington train, a stuffed lamb rattle and a cute little chickie beanie that was wayyy too big! 

Grandma and Grandpa Frase bought him his first stuffed bunny. And it's even from Graeter's in Columbus! We love Graeter's! Yum! :)

After everyone left and Nate went off to work, Grayson and I just stayed at mom and Phil's for the evening. We decided to try tummy time for the first time and he really enjoyed it for several minutes!  His little neck is getting so strong! I love to watch him hold his head up all the time. Strong baby! 

After tummy time and grandma and grandpa time, someone spit up a bit. Which was a perfect excuse for grandma to :have" to give him a bath! ;) My mom wanted to bathe him sooo badly...and I didn't complain! Grayson loved getting bathed in the sink. Much more than his whale tub at home! Haha!

It was such a beautiful, amazing day. Celebrating our Lord and Saviour who is ALIVE!!! And just being with family. My little family of 3. I am so, so blessed. Grayson loves his daddy. This photo melts me!

I hope your Easter was just as blessed as ours! 

my little easter bunny

Months before Grayson was born while I was on one of my many etsy browsing times, I came across the cutest little crocheted hat...with bunny ears. I knew I had to have it. It came and was perfect. Fast forward to about a month before G's arrival, I couldn't find the hat anywhere! Nate and I looked all over and it could not be found. So, after much dismay and begging to Nate, I purchased another one, kicking myself the entire time for losing the original one in the first place!

The professional photographer took some photos of him wearing his hat last week, but I haven't gotten those files yet, so I decided to snap a few while Grayson was in a sweet slumber this afternoon. :)

Look at my little Easter Bunny!

Isn't he dreamy? :)

This week Grayson also discovered something new to him.

His little glow seahorse. I was so excited when he noticed it Monday night! The Amazon reviews I read were absolutely correct...this is a must! He loves his little glow horse..almost too much, because as soon as shuts off (and usually just as I finally get comfy in bed) he starts to fuss! Oy. ;)

And here's a funny photo I thought I'd share! Sunday after we got home from church and lunch I was getting Grayson in some "loungey" clothes and Nate snapped some photos of us. Grayson was all like, "hi-YA!" ;) hehe. Love that boy!

This week has been a little rough for all 3 of us for some reason. Grayson had been super fussy/gassy (something I ate. I think it may have been too much dairy. Duh, me!)-he's doing better as of last night and today, but him feeling that way means he's super needy which leaves no time for me to do much of anything and I hate that! Haha.  I'm still just adjusting to all of this.  It's weird for me to "schedule" time to put the dishes in the dishwasher or fold and put away the laundry...or sweep..or take a shower...or try to do my makeup! Ha. Parenthood really is such an adjustment. It's amazing. Awesome. But, definitely takes some getting used to!

Thank you all for the kind words on my last few posts! It means so much to me. I wish I had time to respond to each one, but just know I see them all and really appreciate your sweet thoughts!

Welp, Grayson is napping away in his swing (best investment/Craigslist find EVER!), so I'm gonna take advantage of it and grab a quick shower and maybe even paint my piggies! Woohoo!! :)

better than i imagined

During our years of infertility, one of the things I thought of most...or should I say "longed" for the most was how sweet the moments would be seeing Nate as a daddy. It never failed that with every thought along those lines brought me to tears because I knew in my heart just how truly amazing he would be as a father. I remember my heart aching at the thought of it never happening. All those "what ifs?" and "why nots?" weighed me down so much.

And then, when we found out we were expecting I still continued to be brought to tears, but this time it was the thought that it was actually happening!  God heard my every cry.  My every whisper. My every prayer! He not only was going to make me a mama, but Nate a daddy!  My heart was SO full, I never imagined it could get any fuller!

Until March 30th.  When I was lying in the OR for my c-section and Nate was right by my side...or should I say my head? haha. Holding my hand, filled with so much anticipation.  And then, there was that moment. The one where we heard our son instantly cry SO loud. And then the moment Nate got permission to peak over the blue drape. Where he exclaimed, "Oh, Nichole! He's definitely a boy!"

In that moment he was so proud. So relieved. So thankful. I could just tell. His son was here. He excitedly fast-walked over to where Grayson was being checked out and though I couldn't see my boys, I could feel just how complete Nate felt. 

And then after what felt like an eternity, the nurse walked over with Grayson so I could see him in all his cleaned-up-baby goodness as I lay on the table, and Nate was right next to him. Smiling. Ear to ear. Absolute love.  That's the only way I can explain it. It was all God. Truly a moment I won't ever forget. Especially when they placed baby Grayson into Nate's arms for the first time. It was amazing. He is such a great daddy.

And that heart that I didn't think could possibly get any fuller? Well it did. By like a million-gazillion!

My boys. I love you so very much. More than you will ever, ever know.

Thank you, Lord for this most precious gift. May we never take a single moment for granted. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

some firsts

Grayson has already had a couple of "firsts" these past few days. I wanted to share. 

He attended his first church service yesterday morning and did SO good!  As a new mom I was nervous he would cry during service or something, but not a peep was made!  He got so much love and attention from our friends at church and didn't even know it! Everyone was so welcoming and Pastor Jim even made his official "Grayson Duenke has arrived!" announcement, complete with the usual joke about our last name ;) It was precious and an amazing service! We had a married couple saved and many people came to the altar. Awesome!

Here we are before leaving for church! And yes, daddy and Grayson kinda match. Nate was so excited to do that! lol.

Also on the "firsts" list was his newborn photo session today with the amazing Amy Cook!

She drove 1.5 hours one way just to shoot our Grayson and we are so grateful!

Here are 2 shots she posted on her Facebook page while I was feeding the little guy. :)

I'm sorry, but how precious is my baby?! sigh. He's such a gift!

I can't wait to see all of the photos, even though Grayson was a bear most of the shoot! haha. I know Amy still got some amazing photos. Now, I just have to wait a couple weeks! I'm ready to get some up on our hallway and around the house and to friends and family! 

So, it's been a couple day of 'firsts' and I am continuing to count my blessings. Even during those late night feedings, back aches, and screams. Hehe.

reality.

life is grand. and this is my reality now.

which includes...

a "lived in" nursery.

finding out Pampers dry max diapers are a definite no-go with Grayson.

typing one-handed.

when i get to sit at the computer that is.

computer time is way limited. ;)

there will always be dishes to do.

naps are like gold and very few and far between.

i am BLESSED.

little boys pee. a lot.

i better eat when i can. which isn't very often.

and forget tv time. the only tv i watch is well, whatever is on when i turn it on for noise!

the first thing i do after waking up is no longer hopping right in the shower.

the shower comes hours after waking up.

my boy comes first now.

little baby wash is always there to be done.

lots of feedings.

lots of grins that melt my heart.

there will always be a blanket or two to pick up and fold.

i cherish the 5-10 minutes i get to shower. that's my time. :)

i am a mama now. i am living a dream. and i wouldn't trade it for the world!

God is so good all the time, but i am thankful for His faithfulness to me and love for me.

thank you all again for the sweet and thoughtful words full of love for us and Grayson. we are so grateful!

the first few days

Thank you all so much for the sweet words on Grayson's arrival!  They mean so much to us and we appreciate all the thoughts and prayers.

It has been such a whirlwind since he made his debut!  We are loving every single second (yes, even those 2-3 a.m. feedings and loud cries ;)) and trying to take in as much as we possibly can.  We are getting a bit of a routine down and are getting used to having a newborn in the house. I absolutely love being a mom. Even more than I ever could have thought, which absolutely amazes me!

Here's what we've been up to these last few days...

Saturday: We got released from the hospital early, after learning how to bathe the babe and signing a few papers. Once we got home, we spent the entire day adjusting as a family of three. Resting, relaxing, learning, loving.  It was bliss and we were exhausted.

He was all snug as a bug in his carseat!

He loved his Pack n' Play from day one. I just love to watch him sleep.

We also took Grayson to his room for the first time. It was incredible. I had a big wave of emotions come flooding at me and cried like a baby!  It meant to much to me to see my boys in a room that I had longed to have almost as much as much I longed for a baby for so long.

Sunday: Our first night went pretty good.  A few nursing frustrations, but thankfully Nate got me through them and Grayson was such a trooper!

We spent most of the day doing just what we had done the day before. Adjusting.

He got his first bath at home and was clearly NOT a fan! Haha.

Mom and Phil came by for a quick visit after church. They kinda like him! Hehe.

He loves to be swaddled and his lamb bouncer.

Monday: was our first day with a strict routine because Grayson had his first doctor's appointment at 8:45, so we had to make sure to leave plenty of time in the morning for a feeding, a bath (for all 3 of us), and just getting ready time. My, how strange it is to go from one day it just being us and doing what we want to us being three and Grayson coming first!

All nakey at the doctor's office!  He did SO good and passed with flying colors!! He even gained 1.5 oz. since coming home Saturday and the doctor said he was very pleased with that and it means the breastfeeding is going just as it should be. That made me feel so good!

I just love him so much!

Apparently the doctor's visit wore him out because he literally slept almost all day! In his defense, it was a mighty dreary and rainy day here, so we think he's like me in that those kind of days instantly make us want to curl up and nap all the day long! haha.

It's just been nothing short of amazing. I am so blessed. SO very blessed. I sometimes still can't believe he's mine. My heart is so full!

I also love and adore when I catch moments like this-

Melts. My. Heart.

Grayson James Duenke

Grayson James Duenke

Arrived March 30th, 2011

12:42 p.m.

6 lbs 10 oz.

17.5 inches long

aka: my little nugget! :)

He's perfect. A TRUE gift. And we are absolutely in love.

He came 2 days before his due date and really surprised me because I seriously thought he was going to be late!  

He was delivered via c-section after his heart rate dropped quite a bit (more on that story coming soon!)

We are a VERY happy family of three!

Life has been so busy and we are still in the hospital, but hoping to be released tomorrow!  

I am so thankful Grayson is healthy, happy and strong.  Also thankful I am recovering well and that I have the BEST family, friends and husband a girl could ask for.  Not surprisingly, Nate has been AMAZING in helping me and is such a terrific daddy!  I just love him even more now!

I hope to blog more soon, but for now I am off to take a walk around the ward before I get to feed and nuggle my little miracle. :)

I can't believe I'm a MOM!!  Thank you Lord for your blessings on me!