the little things

I've learned some things

After last night I have learned some things.

First, I have learned that some people aren't going to love me or what I have to say. They are going to disagree & even say ridiculous, hurtful things. & that is okay.

I have also learned that I am better than that. & stronger than I give myself credit for.

I have learned that I am totally, completely blessed.  I have amazing friends, many of whom I've never even met. thank you.

I have learned to not jump the gun before I truly know what someone might be going thru on the inside, even if they seem okay on the outside.

I have also learned that I will be a-okay. :) & that it is absolutely okay to have doubts & feel frustration & anger. I won't apologize for what I write here.  This is my blog & I kindly ask that if you don't like what you see/read here, then please don't come back.  Plain & simple. :)

Now, I must say something.

After I received that dreaded comment in my email last night, I have to be honest.  I literally just froze at my computer.  Not that life has to always be sunshine & rainbows, but that persons words bothered me ...someone I don't even know thought it "wise" to leave such nasty words here. Ugh!

And again, I have to be honest, I seriously thought of never blogging again. Just closing this thing down. Then I thought I would just password protect it. 

But, just as quick as I thought all that, I said absolutely not!  If I did that, it was like she was winning. & I won't have that.  This is MY space.  My place to write & share.  Because you never know who may reading & who might need to read my words, whether they are happy or sad.  I just think it's a sad thing that someone can't even share something personal without being made to feel guilty for going through a painful time.

I prayed a lot about all of this last night & feel that I am meant to keep sharing this journey.  I know I am meant to share the good, the bad & so on.  And if you've been reading for any of the last four years, you know I am open & real!  

Now, enough of that!  I am through talking about it & am happily moving on!

I must thank each & every one who has commented here, on FB & has wrote me personal emails of encouragement.  Your words have been SO greatly appreciated & I am so thankful for the positive words & stories of hope.  Thank you!!

So, yeah. :)

I decided to host our family to a mother's day BBQ this year. Oh boy, what was I thinking?!  I made a list yesterday & it's a page long! Yipes! haha We'll have 12 adults here, so I'm excited!  I love putting things like this together tho & am happy to do it, but boy will it be a lot of work!  I found a great website called Hostess with the Mostess & have decided to go hunting for a few vases & baskets at Goodwill for my "theme!" Oh, yes...that's right, I said theme!

Thanks to that website, I am super inspired to do a lavender,lilac,& lime color scheme, with some touches of flowers & vases!

I think those colors are SO pretty! I am just praying I can pull it off!  I even have plans to make my own centerpiece for the dining room table using some lavender, lilac & lime flowers & a grapevine wreath!  If I can accomplish this I just know my mother in law will be so proud of me! ;) hehe She's just really talented with that kind of stuff!

This weekend, I have to run to Joann's for a basket to complete a gift I'm giving for a bridal shower on Saturday!  I really hope I find one because if not that's going to be one lousy looking gift! :)

Other than that, I am just hanging out!  Praying hard & praising Him for ALL He has done!  This week at our church has been Camp Meeting & I am feeling pretty cruddy about not being there.  Hopefully I'll get there Friday night!  I feel like God is tugging on my heart to be there.

Thank you so much again for sticking this through with me.  I hope you'll continue to drop by, but if you don't, I'll understand! :)

drained.

Finally getting a chance to post for a bit.

Nate is picking up some overtime tonight (normally his day off), so I've got the house to myself :)

We've been busy with stuff around the house & Nate's grandparents from South Carolina stayed with us last night.  It was a nice visit.  

Sunday started out well & I got some news before church began that made me so sad, I just started sobbing during fellowship & had to sit down.  So embarrassing, but I couldn't control it.

The news was that another young girl & guy in our church are expecting.  That's all I'm going to say because the rest of the situation is ridiculous & not worth me getting worked up about.

My sadness comes & goes.  But, to be honest...it really always lingers. I am just so confused as to why God allows things to happen for some & for others makes it so difficult.  I have been asking a lot of questions lately & am trying really hard for God to show me the answers in HIS time. As we all know, that is most often easier said than done!

On the way home from church Sunday I cried & cried & cried.  Nate & I talked about it, but I'm just so mad at God.  I don't know why we can't have children right now.  I am TRYING so hard to understand His ways, ut I'm failing miserably.

I am not going to turn my back on the Lord.  I refuse.  So, instead, I've been trying to read some scripture & keep my mind focused on the positive as much as possible.  I read the story of Hannah Sunday night & it touched me.  I also decided to do a search online for verses, etc. & found a great link to a book called "Longing for a Child: Devotions of Hope for Your Journey through Infertility" on Amazon & plan on ordering it soon.  It's something that I think will be good for us in our wait to have a child. It has devotions & stories & journaling spaces for thoughts.  I love books like that, especially since I am not much of a reader!

We'll see what happens. I am just kind of numb sometimes.  Is that normal?  Is it normal to feel so hurt & angry at God?  I don't want to feel this way.  I love the Lord & I KNOW He has a plan...I just feel like it will never happen.  So tired.

Do you have any suggestions on books or scriptures that I could check out?  I would be so thankful if you do.  

For now, I'm off to finish making my macaroni & tomatoes..and hopefully get the chance to catch up on some scrap stuff!

sunshine on a cloudy day

I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't have turned our heat off just yet?  My fingers are frozen just trying to type this! But, I'm gonna give it my best! :)

So, the week is flying by & I am just loving it!  Bring on Friday!  Tricia & I will be going out somewhere! So excited!  Saturday will be spent cleaning for the arrival of Nate's grandparents from South Carolina on Monday. Fun!

Lets back track to the last couple of days.  Nate gave me that cold he had.  I feel the love. ;)

Monday night we rented Marley & Me from my new favorite thing right now: Redbox.

Ok. So, I'm just torn on that movie!  I knew what was going to happen, but gosh...so, so sad!  Now, I'm rethinking getting a dog eventually!  Broke my heart!  And the losing the baby part?  Oh, I bawled!   Nate just kept handing me the kleenex!  I'm so emotional! haha.

ps: how cool is it that you can reserve a movie online to avoid hogging the machine & not only wasting your time, but anyone behind you in line?! love. that. !!

Umm...lets see...what else?  Gosh, not much! We're pretty boring people! 

I did get this scrapped last week. I love that blurry photo of us. 

I also love throwing stuff down on paper & everything turning out alright!  Makes me so happy.

I don't like, however..putting all my layouts in albums!  Nope, not a fan.  It's so much more fun CREATING the page, isn't it?!

I decided to try & save some money by not going to get my "gas station coffee" anymore (it's actually cappuccino...i'm so not a coffee drinker! ha.),  so instead I picked up this good stuff by Mills Bros. in French Vanilla.  I add 3 tbsp. to a couple cups milk & hit the ON button on the Cocomotion while I'm getting ready in the morning & can I just say, it makes me sooo happy?!!  Cuz, it does!  Good flavor & puts me in a good mood.  What could be better?! :)

oh & one more thing before I go!  A couple weeks ago a co-worker of mine walked by me & smelled sooo good!  I asked her what she was wearing because I knew I "needed" it. ;)  It was this 

Curves Kicks. & 3 days later it was on my doorstep (because Nate tried to surprise me with it when I rambled on about it that night, but he couldn't find it in stores at all!) & I LOVE it!  I got the whole gift set with a large perfume & little travel perfume, along with lotion & body wash from fragrance.com for $30!  

  It's kind of warm, but light...I dunno...I love it!  

Well, I suppose I should wrap this completely random post up!  Hope the week is treating you well! :)

OH!  I forgot to mention-I just ordered this dress that I had posted a few weeks ago for some weddings we have this summer!  Lets hope it fits good & that I can find a cute, lightweight cardigan to go over it! *fingers crossed!*

i've decided...

-that when Nate & I are finally blessed with a child, I want Becky Novacek to take our first set of professional photos as a family.  I don't care if she IS in Nebraska (I think that's where she is!), we'll work it out!  Her work just moves me.  I love every, single one of her photos.  Timeless, real & full of life.  That's what I want.  Love her scrap work too! :)

-that this just might be favorite layout right now.

(those cute butterflies with words printed on them & that jounaling tag are from ormolu on etsy -link on the left! LOVE them!)

ok, it IS my favorite layout right now!  that photo just makes me happy.  HE makes me happy!

-men are somewhat big babies when sick.  like, they just might die! yes, I have a sick husband & yes, I have been taking good care of him (in sickness & in health, remember?! hehe) & I know I whimper when I'm sick too, but he cracks me up!  

-it feels so good having a plan!  especially when it involves home buying & saving. life is good.  :)

-I adore Kristina. she is one of my best very best friends & we've never even met in real life!  one day!  seriously, if you don't know her, you should.  she's such a sweet soul. God has really brought us together thru this hobby, so crazy, but so great! I am so thankful for her friendship!

-Facebook is wayyy addicting. & Myspace is pretty much a bore. ha.

-I make a mean chicken fettuccini!

-that I do not like Sundays for the simple fact that Monday is to follow. Oh, bummer. sigh.

Hope you have a wonderful week ahead!  I can't believe April is over half way over! Crazy!

bowling.

With all the excitement of our getaway last weekend, I forgot to mention that Nate & I were lucky to have a date night last Friday night because he got off for Good Friday (but not Easter, go figure! ha.).  We first decided to do the whole "dinner & a movie" thing...but something made me think of bowling.

It could have been because it was something we've never done together before? Yeah. Maybe. ;)

So, after a delish dinner at a new-to-Nate local restaurant, B.W. Burgenstein's, we ventured over to the bowling alley, where there was serious competition between the Mr. & Mrs. :)

I won the first game.  Nate won the second.  And frankly, we were too cheap to play a 3rd game for a tie breaker! (I'm telling you, after shoes & such...bowling is NOT cheap!) But, the most important thing was we had a GREAT time & I especially enjoyed giggling at Nate from the "sidelines" as he tried to be a pro bowler.  That, or he was just trying to impress me! ;) haha.

that "swing arm" cracks. me. up!!

& who could forget these RAD shoes that you pay like $5 to rent?!

 

& the page :) (used some new FUN tags from maythird on etsy--link on the left!)

a share :)

I'm getting ready to head to my scrap table, but before I do, I wanted to share this photo from Easter. I smile every time I see it:

(megan & grandpa sharing a laugh. i love these moments :))

& this silly one of my new shoes. thank you, kmart :)

& this layout from the other week

oh, & i have a card up at the AC blog from yesterday if you would like to take a peak! :)

so happy tomorrow is friday!! anyone have any weekend plans?!

just got back from peace & quiet in Amish Country...

and it was grand! No alarm clocks, no rushing around, no checking the time, no worries in. the. world!

Nate & I continually thanked the Lord for allowing us this mini getaway & for the beautiful accommodations!  It truly was one of THE nicest places we have ever stayed & we'll definitely be coming back, possibly for our anniversary in the fall. I'm excited already! :)

Before our check-in at 3, we made sure to check out all the shops in Berlin & Sugarcreek that we could. I bought way too much, but our house looks cute, so that's ok, right?! ;)  Our first stop was a craft shop, then an antique store where I snapped this silly photo (Nate was hesitant, but I assured him he would live ;))

Next up, one of my favorite stops of the day: Country from the Heart.  The owner was SO sweet & her shop is so cozy, I loved it!  I picked up these cute eggs that she hand paints (you can see some of them a little in the photo) Ihad to get the Ohio one, along with the OSU & lady bug one, along with a cute little wooden lady bug to hang on our living room.

Nate had to stop by the spicey chile place. We had a blast taste tasting some hot sauces & bbq sauces! Nate was so excited to find the Chipotle Tabasco sauce he always gets at Chipotle!  We also picked up a yummy bbq sauce called Big Rick's. Can't wait to use it!

After that, we found another antique store (they're all over the place down there), found nothing, but my how I love old junk! haha. 

Had lunch at a yummy diner near the antique place. I actually got a coney dog!  Which is crazy, because I am not a huge fan of hot dogs, but I dunno, they just sounded good! ha.  Nate got a cheeseburger & we shared some homemade potato chips & dip. Gee, & we wonder why we're fat?! ;) Good thing it was a calorie free trip!! ;)

Next, we made a must do trip to Heini's (I've been coming here since I was a kid.  Love it there!) Every kind of cheese under the sun, plus some!  This is some of their fudge (which I don't like, but Nate does. Check out the flavors! 

By this point, it was check in time.

And what a glorious check in it was!

Us: SO happy with our room! 

Some bits of our room:

That bed?  I had THE best sleep of my life on it!  And I loved the canopy style. So relaxing.

We had dinner at the amish style (of course!) restaurant next door to the Inn. Ummm...it was awesome! Nate had chicken that was falling off the bone.  I had roast beef. So good!  

We walked all around hotel, taking in all the awesomness of it...we ventured into the library they have set up, where Nate was stoked to find a puzzle to work on, & I was stoked to find the latest issue of Martha Stewart!  We're such old souls! haha. 

We loved Carlisle Inn.  They made us feel so special, & even the front desk girl, Sarah said we got "he favorite suite in the entire place!"  Everything was top notch.  We're so not used to that! haha!

And the chillin' out part was my favorite! We did lots of that!

So, for now, I'm off to clean up my scrap space from my messiness last week & put my new stamps away (I forgot to mention that I found a cute little stamp shop in the basement of a shop in Berlin!  I am LOVING stamping lately, so I was happy to find 2 new stamps to add to my small collection!) So. much. Fun!  Then, it's off to town for dinner because Nate gets a free burrito from Chipotle because he works at Frito Lay!  How nice is that?!  I'm passing on the Chipotle tho...Panera Bread it is for me! :)

:)

A little early, but I probably won't have time to drop by tomorrow. Hope your Easter is wonderful! We'll be spending much of the time at mom & Phil's with the family & I can't wait!

this takes me back

Browsing some old posts tonight, I came across this photo of Nate & I.

10.09.05

In love, but hadn't said the words to each other yet.

New.

Nate has such a baby face here I think!

Holding me.

Good. So good.

One month from getting engaged.

Meant to be.

God is so good!

When I face these trials & struggles of infertility, I NEED to remember this time & how blessed I am.

Nate is my very best friend.  He is all I've ever needed.

Thank you, Lord for your blessings on me!

I thank Him for bringing Nate into my life when he did. In less than 4 years we have done so much already. I feel like I've known him my whole life.

I adore this photo & what it means to me.

Yey for date night tomorrow night!  I cherish each second. :) 

my midweek list

The week is moving at a fast pace & I don't mind a bit!  I feel listy tonight. :)

- 2 more work days til my 4 day weekend!

-my aunt & uncle are in town from Virginia & we spent several hours with them last night. Laughed SO hard! I really miss them.

-I've realized I am not a fan of HSA's (Health Savings Accounts), especially when they cause major problems with your taxes resulting in a 3 week "fix" that I am PRAYING will really be fixed by 9:30 tonight when I call our tax lady. Talk about cutting it close! argh!

-Lane Bryant has come cuuute new things online...not in the store, however.  I went to the store this past weekend & was quite disappointed.  Online is where it's at! ha.

-I am so ready for our stay at Carlisle Inn Monday & Tuesday! SO ready!

-My sweet friend Heather has announced they are expecting. So happy for them!

-Bittersweet for me.  It just brings all sorts of thoughts into my head.

-Praying for strength.

-I made an appointment today with a local obgyn I found. I feel positive & READY for it.

-Continuing to struggle with things.

-I scrapped some over the weekend. I had to use more of that fun AC embossing powder (on the old MM chipboard letters that were once white, green & red) :)

-I've realized Lowe's is quite possibly one of THE most boring stores ever. ;)

-Nate & I have decided to really try to get to Nashville, TN for our vacation this year (it's not until the fall, but I'm a planner & must start preparing as soon as possible! haha)

-My supervisor's office smells just like the buttered popcorn JellyBelly jellybean & it makes me want some sooo bad & I don't even like jelly beans!

-I am anxious to plant my first garden this year.

-it snowed here like crazy yesterday, ri. dic. u. lous!!

-I have a beautiful song that my Pastor sings that I would love to share here, but have no idea how. Sad.

-I love my husband for buying me these cute little chicks last Easter. They make me smile :) (& are also in the above layout!)

& I think that's all for now!  I just know I am so ready for the weekend, I can hardly stand it!

Hope you're good! :)