the little things

oh, bananas

I have another dilemma. Ok, it's far from a dilemma, but I need some help.

Not with bathing suits this time (btw, I'm still looking-still haven't found what I'm looking for. argh! I have issues! haha.)...but with computers.

Nate & I have saved enough to get a Mac. (He refuses to get another pc. Me, I could care less, as long as it's fast, operates well & I can PRINT from it!) So, a Mac it is. However, we thought we were set on a MacBook, but as we went to order it this weekend, I had second thoughts.

When I've tried out the MacBook at the store it seems so small. Right now, we have a big flat screen monitor & I love it. Ultimately, I'd love to get the MacBook Pro, but we're not spending that kind of money for a computer. SO, our other option is the desktop Mac. Does all the same stuff & has that big monitor that I love, but I just don't know! I'd sure love the "travel" options with the MacBook, but I am still leary about that tiny screen.

If you have either of these 2 types of Mac, I'd love to hear from you! The pros & cons. Pretty please!

I'm off to scrap...finally! I have been itching to get creative all week!

Hope you're having a fantastic holiday weekend! I'll have another update soon, but had to ask for recommendations on that computer before anything! haha! :)

So tell me...

Ok, I took you up on your suggested websites for swimsuits. Thank you!

Lands End was the best place so far.

However, I’m curious who these companies are making “plus size” suits for. I mean, really.

High thigh, loud prints, strings on the side? Yikes.

Maybe I’m just losing it, but my bigg butt wouldn’t be caught dead in something like that! LOL

Not trying to insult anyone who may have any of those types of suit, I’m sure they look great on you, but if you saw (or have seen) me in person, you know I fit the term FULL figured well. :) I just carry it in all the wrong places. The butt, the thighs, the belly (ok, so everywhere…lets be honest!)…and I just want to be able to cover as much as up as possible, but not look like a chubby granny while doin’ it! ya know?

Ideally, I just need to weigh 120 pounds & wear a cute bikini, but obviously, that isn’t the case…sooo…what I would like is a simple (plain, even) 1 piece (none of this “tankini” stuff-those things always roll and tuck and hide on me!), with shorts or skirt bottom…not flat in the waist, tied in the middle, bunched, etc.

I did find one at Lands End kind of like that & so far that’s the front runner. But, I don’t know. Do I really want to spend $90 on a suit that (with any luck!) I won’t even be able to wear next year?  Really?

Hmff. The life of a plus sizer! :)

In other, less depressing news (haha!)…Nate has been busy playing matchmaker with a guy he works with, Adam & my dear friend, Tricia!  Oh, I love stuff like this! I love getting people together-it makes me happy!  They’ve been text’ing all week & have branched out to calling today! LOL

We are praying hard that this works out!  We’re all going to our county fair on Sept. 8^th & that will be the first time they meet-so excited!!

Annnyways, I’ve been working on some American Crafts schtuff. I can’t get enough of the thickers (of course!) & the flair is so fun too! It’s all great-love it! Here’s some pages…(sorry for the cruddy photos-i can't get this right yet!) *please note the puffy thickers-i heart the puffy thickers! i think everyone needs them! so fun & the smell reminds me of art class back in elementary school! Oh, and how excited was I to catch American Crafts on HSN tonight?! FUN!

Yey for Friday tomorrow.  What’s everyone doing for the holiday? Hope you have a great one!

squeal!

So, we've decided to do something we've never really gotten to do in our 3 years together...

We're going on vacation!!!

We have both had the week of October 13th requested for months & had originally planned on a "stay-cation", then changed it to southern Ohio, then changed it to possibly Nashville, TN...and now..thanks to a suggestion from my cousin, we're going to the beach!! A secluded little place in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina to be exact!

We're going to book it this weekend & I am so, so, SO excited!

I was having a hard time "letting go" of the money for something like this, afterall, it is GAS (ack. soo not cheap!), hotels aren't cheap, food isn't either...plus the cost of anything "extra" we may want to buy or do...but, after much talk..and consideration, we feel like we need this. Some place away, some place different than lame Ohio (haha), some place for a great deal (and trust me, we found one! Praise the Lord!) Not to mention, Nate has gotten overtime every night this week, including tonight! I told him it was just God's way of providing for us...He knows we would like to go away..and we NEED to go away...and that we will have the funds to do it & comfortably! :) :)

I am ready to go right now! haha! We'll be arriving on our anniversary, the 14th & staying until Saturday...perfect amount of time if you ask me!  We're even hoping to see Nate's dad, step mom, sister & grandparents one day, since they live in South Carolina! That would be a real treat for Nate since we haven't seen them since our wedding!

Lets just hope I'm not doing that cleanse thing during vaca! haha.

Oh yeah, and the only bad thing about going to the beach? I need a swimsuit. ack. Who really knows how the weather will be mid-October down there, but there's an indoor pool, and I'm going swimming!  I haven't worn once since before Nate! yikes. Where the heck can I even find decent looking (preferably with bottoms-skirt bottom?) swimsuits this time of season?  I checked out Lane Bryant. yuck. Old Navy..have one in my cart, but it needs bottoms. Sears. nothing. and Macy's has a skirt thing, but I dunno. Anyone have any ideas? :)

I'll write more later, but for now..I'm off to bed..so sleepy! Hope your week is going great!

groceries are expensive

So, Friday evening (before Megan & I upset each other) I took Nate this:

Lunch (dinner for most everyone else, since it was 8 p.m.!). I hadn’t eaten since lunch that day, so I was very much looking forward to chicken salad on pumpernickel, Lay’s (of course! ;)) kettle cooked chips & a Vitamin Water! I love taking him lunch-even if he is all gross! lol

 

Saturday:

We got up bright & early to head to Canton to get my rings all inspected & cleaned. We got there before they opened so we stopped at Target. Oh Target, how I love thee! :) Got to the jewelers & it took 5 minutes & we were out of there! I love when my rings are all clean & sparkly & safe!  After the jewelers we ventured to Macy’s to get Nate a new pair of khaki’s (successful!), then to Old Navy, where unbeknownst to us they were having their one day only $12 jean sale! That place was a mad house, but we managed to score $75 worth of stuff for $28! Thank you Old Navy!

Rushed back home to go to a friend from high school’s wedding before Nate had to go to work. She was a stunning bride, but dumb me didn’t take any photos!

After I we got home & Nate went to work, I started doing some dishes…and then it just continued! I ended up cleaning the house from top to bottom AND I even did the laundry AND put it away! hate doing that!

Later on my mom & step dad stopped by. It was nice visit. I was exhausted tho!  So exhausted this is the only thing that even sounded remotely good: that new Bunches cereal (from honey bunches of oats) & some Tropicana OJ in my fave mug. YUM!

I even fell asleep before Nate got home from work, which never happens on the weekends! My body hasn’t been this tired in forever…it’s a tad annoying! Ha.

 

Today: We had toddler room duty at church this morning. We had 9 kids, including 2 criers. Lovely. However, with my charm & goofiness (*wink*) I got them both calmed down within seconds of mom turning the corner! Praise the Lord for that! haha. They were the best group we’ve ever had, I think & they just say some of he cutest things. Like this cutie, Zoe. We asked if her new baby sister was here today & she said, “no. she’s at WalMart.” LOL I asked, “Walmart, huh?”, she continued with, “yeah. With MUH mwom…MUH mwom is always at WalMart!” hahaha. I have to be honest, I was dreading working in there today, not exactly sure why, but Nate & I have been struggling with some things in our church…okay, mostly just the people, because our Pastor & the preaching is amazing, but some of the people are not the friendliest. I think it’s because Nate & I fall into that weird age bracket…we’re not in the older crowd, but we’re married, but we don’t have kids..it’s an awkward place to be. The toddler room is always so bittersweet because it amazes me how many parents can’t even say thank you. Ummm, hello? We’re watching your kids, while you go to service…and we don’t even have any of our own! Ack, now, I know that’s not how God wants me to act & I’m working on it, but Satan sure makes it hard sometimes, ya know?

Anyyywhooo…So, after church we made a grocery run. Oh, how I hate getting groceries!  We got 5 bags for $61! Ack. Ridiculous! Maybe it’s a good thing we don’t have a family quite yet?!

After Nate left for work, this is what I did:

Rested a tad (and yes, with my glasses on. i'm weird!)

Did my first project for American Crafts! (sorry, can’t show it yet!)

Scrapped just a bit (about to do some more here in a bit!)

Gram & gramp stopped by to give me a whole bag of apples from their yard for Nate & a bag of tomatoes from their garden! YUM! Then, they took me for an ice cream cone! I love my grandparents! :) Only a small chocolate cone sounded good, but it was just right!

And now, here I am…with QVC on the tv, Pandora going & about ready to go scrap some more!

Nate will probably have to work overtime tomorrow & Tuesday, so I plan on getting either a lot of sleeping in or a lot of scrapping in. We’ll see what my decides to do!

Thank you for the prayers about Megan. It’s going to be hard to watch her get into all these obstacles, but I know it will all work out in the end.

Hope you had a great weekend!

Here’s to a good week!

Sometimes being the big sister sucks.

So, I had all these things I wanted to blog about tonight, but all I can think/worry/wonder/stress about is Megan.

 

I posted below about her getting robbed. What I didn’t post about is that they “know” the guy who did it. They have “known” him a whopping 2 months & even let him stay with them a few days, until they couldn’t take it any longer & he wouldn’t leave, so they called the cops. He was booked & released within 12 hours & came back & robbed them of over $2,000 worth of stuff.

 

There’s more, but I don’t want to post it here.  I am worried sick about her.

My whole family is.  I just don’t know what to say, or do.  She’s 19. She thinks she knows everything. She thinks she’ll always be safe. She thinks it will all be okay.

We got into a big argument tonight & I am so sad.

Sad that maybe I overacted.

Sad that she’s with a guy who is seriously leading her the wrong way.

Sad that she just does. not. get. it.

 

They’ve decided to move. BUT, to the same complex, just a different (and more expensive!) unit.

The poor thing has a clunker of a car, commutes to work, and has no health care coverage.

And now, she wants to take on more financial responsibility??

 

My heart aches for her.  I just want her to think about things. Learn from my mistakes. I know she can’t do that, but I pray she does. Somehow, some way.

 

Megan seriously has a heart of gold. She is one of the sweetest people anyone could ever meet. She would seriously give you the shirt off her back. But, she’s naive. And stubborn. And a rebel.

Her & I are complete opposites. She’s brave & daring. I’m a worrier & never take chances.

I make plenty of mistakes for all of us, but good grief…I have to have a plan. I have to make sure I can do things as best as possible. Not Megan. She pushes the limits and doesn’t always see the big picture.

 

I pray for her everyday. I pray so hard that she wises up & sees that this guys she’s “dating” (whatever they now are) is not a good influence. That she is headed to the life that we always said we never wanted.  The one where your “friends” can’t be trusted, the life where you have people over at your house until 3 in the morning playing cards & hanging out. The one where drinking & smoking are “the usual”. The one where you live paycheck to paycheck.

 

No one wants that & Megan & I always said we would never settle for that.  Our dad was like that growing up. Thank the Lord for our mom, who kept us grounded & instilled good morals & beliefs in us. (my dad kind of did too-in his own way, but that’s a whole other post for a whole other day).

Why is Megan doing this?  Does she know how much we love her & want great things for her?

Does she know how much we worry about & care for her?

 

Seriously, sometimes being the big sister really sucks.

 

I just needed to get this out. I don’t want to hurt her, but I think I did tonight. I wish she were here. I wish we could back to when we lived under the same roof & would run into each others rooms & chill out on the bed laughing & talking for hours. I wish we were still innocent kids who would play “video store” & “restaurant” for HOURS. I wish I could hug her. I wish she would come to church & see that she could find a better guy, better friends.

 

But, I can’t. I know she has to learn this all on her own & that’s what hurts so much.  I know all we can do is pray & trust in God that He has a plan & purpose for Megan’s decisions. I know she’ll wisen up one day.

 

Sorry to be such a downer. This week has just been terrible. I promise to come back in better spirits! If you could please remember Megan & our family in prayer or your thoughts, I would really appreciate it.

Real quick

I don’t have much time to post right now, it’s been a busy few days, but I wanted to say thank you for all the prayers for my appointment today. I could feel them, and I am so grateful. Thank you!

The office is gorgeous! I have never been in anything like it. We waited an hour (my doctor was running 30 minutes behind) but I am super happy to say, she was worth it! Super, super sweet, knowledgeable, and best of all-a great listener!

She got me& I am actually pretty excited for what is ahead!

I go tomorrow morning for blood work (yuck. I HATE getting my blood taken. I am dreading this, but I know it has to be done to get the ball rolling)…I started fasting at 8 tonight…yey. LOL

My next follow up appointment is on September 16^th to go over my blood work results and get a new diet regime going.  She said without doing my blood work yet, it sounds all hormonal…possibly an imbalance. But, we’ll have wayyy more answers in September.

She wants me to do a cleanse after that follow-up…a “clean slate” and I am more than ready!

I got some pamphlets on this & plan on doing some research online about it.

 

I am so grateful it went smoothly & just I had had hoped.

I’m off to watch some tv with Nate before bed. We’re beat after an impromptu trip to

Findlay

Sunday night/early Monday morning to see this little guy (Nate’s cousin, Melissa’s new little bundle born

8-8-08

!)! More on that later tho! Thanks again for all your prayers & thoughts…this is only the beginning & for the first time in a long time, I’m actually feeling optimistic!

 

Oh, and one more quick thing-if you could please remember & maybe even say a little pray for my sister, Megan I’d really appreciate it. She got robbed Friday afternoon & it’s been pretty crazy. We are all super concerned for her safety & just want her to move back to my mom’s! :) *fingers crossed?!* Thanks!

Realization:

Caramel sticky buns candles make me HUNGRY.

I can’t stay up every, single night til’ the Olympics are over. It kills me when getting up for work in the morning!

I must pray. And pray hard.

It’s gonna be alright.

 

Today on lunch I remembered I don’t have directions to my new doctor for Tuesday, so I googled her & found a little bio about her & her photo. And oddly-I was at peace. Almost like, “Oh. she looks sweet. I’m gonna be ok!” haha. For the record-I “found” her through my good friend Kelli, who is her nanny. I’ve heard nothing but great things about her & I am really (in a really strange way) looking forward to my appointment. Nervous too. Like, a lot nervous…but I must remember-this could be the answer I’m looking for. I really hope it is.

 

I continue to get some pretty amazing emails from readers & I just want to say thanks again. Your words are so touching & full of hope. Thank you!

 

Oh, that reminds me: If Nicole Denuke sees this-can you please email me again?! I read your email & didn’t have time to respond & somehow, some way I have completely lost it & want to write you back! nichole87220@aol.com

 

I also made this tonight: a little card for the new parents to be. :) Surprisingly, it was like therapy for me…it felt good to do & I am such a bad card maker, so I hope they like it!

 

Here’s to a good Friday! (Thank the good Lord above it’s Friday-I need a day to sleep in!)

Thank you

  I have been so touched with the emails I have received this week regarding this issue. I know I am definitely not alone with this situation & these feelings, but it can be hard to handle when it seems as though no one around you is going through it or has gone through it. There are truly no words for how grateful I am to each one of you who have commented here, or emailed me, or are praying for me. God Bless each of you!

I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) by how many people can relate to this very heartache, or know someone who has. I have really enjoyed reading more of people’s personal stories, it makes me believe even more that anything is possible.

Sunday night I decided to do my best at being productive. So, I did this: 

Got out ALL my albums & loose pages (and even some that were in page protectors) and FINALLY got organized. I have really been enjoying making 12x12 pages (for the first time in 9 years of scrapbooking!), so I needed to make some room & get my albums in some kind of order. I decided to do my best at arranging them by date, but let’s face it…that’s darn near impossible! I felt great afterwards (aside from my back lol), even though it was a horrible day.

Aside from Sunday, this week has been pretty good. Nate & I went to

Cleveland

on Monday. We spent hours there, visiting Crate & Barrel where I picked up the cake pedestal I’ve been wanting for a while! (The cute wooden pumpkins I found at Pat Catan's Sunday...can't wait to display them for fall!) Then, we stopped by Beachwood Mall-where I tried Lush products for the first time. Oh my! Everything I’ve heard is true-they’re awesome! Pricey, but awesome. I walked out with just a bubble bath (good enough to eat, I tell ya! ha.), but I definitely plan on going back for some of their soap & face masks. I didn’t want to spend a lot just in case. (I took a bubble bath that night & my whole bathroom smelled like yummy cookies! Not to mention my skin was sooo soft!). We had a delicious lunch at The Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. I love that place. We got a yummy appetizer (buffalo chicken blasts) & look at our meals! Nate’s burger was huge!  I always get this spicy chicken sandwich & always take half of it home. I didn’t cake for my birthday this year since I knew we were coming to Cheesecake Factory, so I was more than excited to bust into this!  Strawberry. Yum.  Nate & I split it because we can never a finish a whole slice alone. It was the perfect ending to a fantastic meal!

I was happy. After Saturday & Sunday being so gloom & doom it was nice to get away & have some fun.

Monday night I ran into Audrey’s to spend my gift certificate since she was having a great back to school sale. You pulled a bookmark from a book to reveal a discount. I got 25% off my entire purchase!  I picked a new berry ring & a candle that smells like caramel sticky buns (hello. Doesn’t that sound good enough to eat?!) ! I spent .08 less than my GC was for! Awesome.

Came home & watched some Jon & Kate + 8 & the olympics until like,

midnight

.

Needless to say I have been exhausted ever since!

Oh, and here’s some birthday photos & I layout I finished up tonight. Thanks to Amy Tan I am completely addicted to hand stitching on layouts! I think I went a little overboard here. LOL

Thank you all again so much for thinking of me. A vent the other night is just what I needed. Thanks for the support..here’s to better days, right?! :)

Mixed Emotions

My step sister, Tana & her husband, Zeb stopped by around

noon

today to give me my birthday gift-a gift certificate to Audrey’s (awesome!) & this lovely card that I had to read 3 times just to make sure I was seeing things correctly…

 

(sorry for the fuzziness, I couldn't get a good photo).

 

I’m going to be an aunt. I’m very happy for them, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t absolutely kill me all at the same time. I cried. She cried. The guys just sat on the couch in suspense of what was going on. I gave hugs & am truly happy for their new bundle expected to arrive April 6, 09. We hung out, talked a little about her pregnancy, the guys played some Wii, we saw their new car, we are excited.

She said she was kind of scared to tell me for fear that I’d be hurt or upset. I am, but not at them. No way. They deserve to be happy & to be parents too, and I’m excited to be an aunt (this is the first baby in our immediate family, so it’s BIG news)…I’m just hurt that we can’t have that too.

They left.

And I bawled.

And bawled.

And bawled.

My heart hurts so much. I just don’t get it.

Nate & I want to be parents sooo badly & I have had blood tests, diet changes, etc, etc. and still nothing. 14 months of trying & nothing.

Tana & Zeb have been trying for 4 months, so lucky.

Sometimes I get angry at God for doing this. But, Nate is so patient & so kind with me. He tries so hard to make it better & lets me know that God does have a plan & we just have to wait.

Fine, I get it.

No, wait. No I don’t.

Why does God give babies to people who aren’t married? Or neglect them or abuse them? Why?

I just sobbed all afternoon. What a crappy feeling.  Not to mention I haven’t felt well for days, yesterday was terrible too…I was a grump all day…and now this.

Minutes before Nate left for work, my mom called to see if she could stop over.

I knew what she wanted to talk about (her & my step dad had just got the news this morning before we did).

She came over & as soon as we looked each other in the eyes, we both starting crying.

Poor Nate left for work not sure what to say to make it better.

My mom hugged me harder than ever & said she was so sorry that it wasn’t us. She said she wanted it to be us first, but God just has different plans & it may take time to understand (if we ever understand), but it will happen. Megan stopped by right after mom got there & we had a great heart to heart. Full of tears & questions. Thank God for my mom. Seriously. She is just amazing. And Megan too. They filled me with some hope, but most of all…they listened. I poured everything out to them & they did what I needed most-they just listened. In between the tears & frustration, they got me. and my true desires to be a mom. And my disappointment. I’m so grateful.

For right now, I just want to be a bit selfish. That’s probably awful to say, but my heart is broken. Sometimes I am so scared to know the final answer. I know we’re young. I know we have some other stuff we’d like to get out of the way, I know. I know. I know. But, it just simply doesn’t make it any easier right now.

I just need this time to vent & be frustrated. I don’t like feeling this way, but I’m just hoping I can get it all out & feel better, maybe?

On August 19^th, I have my first appointment with a new obgyn/fertility specialist. Without posting it for the all the world to see, I have been going through some other female issues since last November that not a lot of people know about & it’s more than time to see a specialist.  My last obgyn turned out to be way too unorganized & disconnected for me. In a way, my visits with her last November have almost “tarnished” me…so much so, it’s taken me 9 months to get the strength & courage up to go see someone else.

I just want to get better. To get healthy.

Then we can work on a baby, etc.

The new doctor is near where I work, about 40 minutes away & I’ve heard excellent things about her. I am super nervous, but super excited too. I could use some prayers and if you could please do that for me, I would appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.

Nate usually has Tuesdays off, so I’m hoping he won’t be called in, because I need him there. Oh, so much stuff on my brain.

It seems the harder I try not to think about, the worse it gets.

Anyways, I’m done talking about it for now.

Thank you for the birthday wishes, so sweet, I appreciate them. The day was pretty good. Lunch was wonderful, the day was gorgeous. We stopped at a few new antique stores & Nate took me to Audrey’s to pick up my surprise birthday gift-a new end table for our bedroom!  I love it. I had dinner with Megan, got lots of texts & phone calls, and stopped by mom & Phil’s for a visit. Pretty simple, but great day.

My term with American Crafts officially starts September 1^st and I’m so excited. Hopefully this will help keep my mind of some things.

I’m hoping to run to Pat Catan’s after church tomorrow for some embroidery floss & needles thanks to Amy Tangerine & her webisode on SIStv. I’ve never sewn a thing in my life, but I’m dying to try that out.

Hope your weekend is going great. And I hope next time I post it won’t be such a downer!

Hello 24.

I remember as a kid my birthday was something awesome. It was always cool because it was in the summer & I usually had a kick butt party to celebrate. No school, just friends, swimming, camping, shopping, go-karts, laser tag & bumper boats. Gosh, it was good.

Now? Well, it’s just here. :)  (photo of me in the Kitchenaid bowl while putting dishes away tonight! ha. Sucha dork, I know!)

I’m finally “caught up” with all my friends again…until next month when they start turning 25!  I was the youngest in my class, thus the youngest of my friends…always the baby! Haha!

I plan on sleeping in (it’s currently

1:03 a.m.

& I’m on my way to bed), Nate is taking me to get my surprise gift (!!) & out to lunch, then after he leaves for work, I’m going to dinner with Megan!

I’m pretty excited!

Afterall, a day without work is a WONDERFUL day!! :)

Here’s to a new year! I hope it beats 23!