[cOlOrful me!]

Realization:

Caramel sticky buns candles make me HUNGRY.

I can’t stay up every, single night til’ the Olympics are over. It kills me when getting up for work in the morning!

I must pray. And pray hard.

It’s gonna be alright.

 

Today on lunch I remembered I don’t have directions to my new doctor for Tuesday, so I googled her & found a little bio about her & her photo. And oddly-I was at peace. Almost like, “Oh. she looks sweet. I’m gonna be ok!” haha. For the record-I “found” her through my good friend Kelli, who is her nanny. I’ve heard nothing but great things about her & I am really (in a really strange way) looking forward to my appointment. Nervous too. Like, a lot nervous…but I must remember-this could be the answer I’m looking for. I really hope it is.

 

I continue to get some pretty amazing emails from readers & I just want to say thanks again. Your words are so touching & full of hope. Thank you!

 

Oh, that reminds me: If Nicole Denuke sees this-can you please email me again?! I read your email & didn’t have time to respond & somehow, some way I have completely lost it & want to write you back! nichole87220@aol.com

 

I also made this tonight: a little card for the new parents to be. :) Surprisingly, it was like therapy for me…it felt good to do & I am such a bad card maker, so I hope they like it!

 

Here’s to a good Friday! (Thank the good Lord above it’s Friday-I need a day to sleep in!)

Thank you

  I have been so touched with the emails I have received this week regarding this issue. I know I am definitely not alone with this situation & these feelings, but it can be hard to handle when it seems as though no one around you is going through it or has gone through it. There are truly no words for how grateful I am to each one of you who have commented here, or emailed me, or are praying for me. God Bless each of you!

I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) by how many people can relate to this very heartache, or know someone who has. I have really enjoyed reading more of people’s personal stories, it makes me believe even more that anything is possible.

Sunday night I decided to do my best at being productive. So, I did this: 

Got out ALL my albums & loose pages (and even some that were in page protectors) and FINALLY got organized. I have really been enjoying making 12x12 pages (for the first time in 9 years of scrapbooking!), so I needed to make some room & get my albums in some kind of order. I decided to do my best at arranging them by date, but let’s face it…that’s darn near impossible! I felt great afterwards (aside from my back lol), even though it was a horrible day.

Aside from Sunday, this week has been pretty good. Nate & I went to

Cleveland

on Monday. We spent hours there, visiting Crate & Barrel where I picked up the cake pedestal I’ve been wanting for a while! (The cute wooden pumpkins I found at Pat Catan's Sunday...can't wait to display them for fall!) Then, we stopped by Beachwood Mall-where I tried Lush products for the first time. Oh my! Everything I’ve heard is true-they’re awesome! Pricey, but awesome. I walked out with just a bubble bath (good enough to eat, I tell ya! ha.), but I definitely plan on going back for some of their soap & face masks. I didn’t want to spend a lot just in case. (I took a bubble bath that night & my whole bathroom smelled like yummy cookies! Not to mention my skin was sooo soft!). We had a delicious lunch at The Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. I love that place. We got a yummy appetizer (buffalo chicken blasts) & look at our meals! Nate’s burger was huge!  I always get this spicy chicken sandwich & always take half of it home. I didn’t cake for my birthday this year since I knew we were coming to Cheesecake Factory, so I was more than excited to bust into this!  Strawberry. Yum.  Nate & I split it because we can never a finish a whole slice alone. It was the perfect ending to a fantastic meal!

I was happy. After Saturday & Sunday being so gloom & doom it was nice to get away & have some fun.

Monday night I ran into Audrey’s to spend my gift certificate since she was having a great back to school sale. You pulled a bookmark from a book to reveal a discount. I got 25% off my entire purchase!  I picked a new berry ring & a candle that smells like caramel sticky buns (hello. Doesn’t that sound good enough to eat?!) ! I spent .08 less than my GC was for! Awesome.

Came home & watched some Jon & Kate + 8 & the olympics until like,

midnight

.

Needless to say I have been exhausted ever since!

Oh, and here’s some birthday photos & I layout I finished up tonight. Thanks to Amy Tan I am completely addicted to hand stitching on layouts! I think I went a little overboard here. LOL

Thank you all again so much for thinking of me. A vent the other night is just what I needed. Thanks for the support..here’s to better days, right?! :)

Mixed Emotions

My step sister, Tana & her husband, Zeb stopped by around

noon

today to give me my birthday gift-a gift certificate to Audrey’s (awesome!) & this lovely card that I had to read 3 times just to make sure I was seeing things correctly…

 

(sorry for the fuzziness, I couldn't get a good photo).

 

I’m going to be an aunt. I’m very happy for them, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t absolutely kill me all at the same time. I cried. She cried. The guys just sat on the couch in suspense of what was going on. I gave hugs & am truly happy for their new bundle expected to arrive April 6, 09. We hung out, talked a little about her pregnancy, the guys played some Wii, we saw their new car, we are excited.

She said she was kind of scared to tell me for fear that I’d be hurt or upset. I am, but not at them. No way. They deserve to be happy & to be parents too, and I’m excited to be an aunt (this is the first baby in our immediate family, so it’s BIG news)…I’m just hurt that we can’t have that too.

They left.

And I bawled.

And bawled.

And bawled.

My heart hurts so much. I just don’t get it.

Nate & I want to be parents sooo badly & I have had blood tests, diet changes, etc, etc. and still nothing. 14 months of trying & nothing.

Tana & Zeb have been trying for 4 months, so lucky.

Sometimes I get angry at God for doing this. But, Nate is so patient & so kind with me. He tries so hard to make it better & lets me know that God does have a plan & we just have to wait.

Fine, I get it.

No, wait. No I don’t.

Why does God give babies to people who aren’t married? Or neglect them or abuse them? Why?

I just sobbed all afternoon. What a crappy feeling.  Not to mention I haven’t felt well for days, yesterday was terrible too…I was a grump all day…and now this.

Minutes before Nate left for work, my mom called to see if she could stop over.

I knew what she wanted to talk about (her & my step dad had just got the news this morning before we did).

She came over & as soon as we looked each other in the eyes, we both starting crying.

Poor Nate left for work not sure what to say to make it better.

My mom hugged me harder than ever & said she was so sorry that it wasn’t us. She said she wanted it to be us first, but God just has different plans & it may take time to understand (if we ever understand), but it will happen. Megan stopped by right after mom got there & we had a great heart to heart. Full of tears & questions. Thank God for my mom. Seriously. She is just amazing. And Megan too. They filled me with some hope, but most of all…they listened. I poured everything out to them & they did what I needed most-they just listened. In between the tears & frustration, they got me. and my true desires to be a mom. And my disappointment. I’m so grateful.

For right now, I just want to be a bit selfish. That’s probably awful to say, but my heart is broken. Sometimes I am so scared to know the final answer. I know we’re young. I know we have some other stuff we’d like to get out of the way, I know. I know. I know. But, it just simply doesn’t make it any easier right now.

I just need this time to vent & be frustrated. I don’t like feeling this way, but I’m just hoping I can get it all out & feel better, maybe?

On August 19^th, I have my first appointment with a new obgyn/fertility specialist. Without posting it for the all the world to see, I have been going through some other female issues since last November that not a lot of people know about & it’s more than time to see a specialist.  My last obgyn turned out to be way too unorganized & disconnected for me. In a way, my visits with her last November have almost “tarnished” me…so much so, it’s taken me 9 months to get the strength & courage up to go see someone else.

I just want to get better. To get healthy.

Then we can work on a baby, etc.

The new doctor is near where I work, about 40 minutes away & I’ve heard excellent things about her. I am super nervous, but super excited too. I could use some prayers and if you could please do that for me, I would appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.

Nate usually has Tuesdays off, so I’m hoping he won’t be called in, because I need him there. Oh, so much stuff on my brain.

It seems the harder I try not to think about, the worse it gets.

Anyways, I’m done talking about it for now.

Thank you for the birthday wishes, so sweet, I appreciate them. The day was pretty good. Lunch was wonderful, the day was gorgeous. We stopped at a few new antique stores & Nate took me to Audrey’s to pick up my surprise birthday gift-a new end table for our bedroom!  I love it. I had dinner with Megan, got lots of texts & phone calls, and stopped by mom & Phil’s for a visit. Pretty simple, but great day.

My term with American Crafts officially starts September 1^st and I’m so excited. Hopefully this will help keep my mind of some things.

I’m hoping to run to Pat Catan’s after church tomorrow for some embroidery floss & needles thanks to Amy Tangerine & her webisode on SIStv. I’ve never sewn a thing in my life, but I’m dying to try that out.

Hope your weekend is going great. And I hope next time I post it won’t be such a downer!

Hello 24.

I remember as a kid my birthday was something awesome. It was always cool because it was in the summer & I usually had a kick butt party to celebrate. No school, just friends, swimming, camping, shopping, go-karts, laser tag & bumper boats. Gosh, it was good.

Now? Well, it’s just here. :)  (photo of me in the Kitchenaid bowl while putting dishes away tonight! ha. Sucha dork, I know!)

I’m finally “caught up” with all my friends again…until next month when they start turning 25!  I was the youngest in my class, thus the youngest of my friends…always the baby! Haha!

I plan on sleeping in (it’s currently

1:03 a.m.

& I’m on my way to bed), Nate is taking me to get my surprise gift (!!) & out to lunch, then after he leaves for work, I’m going to dinner with Megan!

I’m pretty excited!

Afterall, a day without work is a WONDERFUL day!! :)

Here’s to a new year! I hope it beats 23!

he loves me!

I know I say it all the time, but Nate is seriously so good to me! Today is his “Sunday” & it’s so nice having him home 2 days in a row! It may not be the most ideal schedule, but we try to make the most of it. Tonight, I came home from work to a yummy dinner or tortellini & corn on the cob, complete with a lemonade!

We prayed before we ate, had dinner at the table (which we’re really trying hard to do more) & it was delicious!� After dinner, we ran to the grocery store to pick up something for me to take to work tomorrow for the birthday. I decided� on “strawberry deliciousness” (Nate nicknamed it that because it is just that-delicious!)…came home & Nate made it for me!!

He’s the man! Haha! I tried to help him…and this is what happened- he attacked me with the cool whip! LOL

I’m working tomorrow then have Thursday off (almost 24!) and work Friday.� I think we’re going to lunch Thursday & that’s it.� Next Monday Nate’s taking me out to celebrate…Cheesecake Factory!! I’m excited! :)

And thank you all so much again for the sweet words!� They mean more to me than you’ll ever know-thank you! :)

Off to catch up on a few things then relax with the hubs!

Grateful

 Thank you so much for your kind comments! They mean so much to me! :) This is still kind of unreal to me. I am so excited to get started! Kind of nervous too, to be honest. I haven’t been on a team since Scrapworks in 2004, but I’m pretty stoked about all this! I did this page late Friday night...once I calmed down! lol

 

It’s been a pretty darn good weekend too!  Yesterday, Nate & I took Craemer for a walk & that was about all we did! It was wonderful! Mom & Phil got home from their trip in the evening & invited me to go to dinner with them & my grandparents. We had a blast! Today, Nate & I slept in, got some groceries & then I talked him into watching Steel Magnolia’s with me! :) What a man, huh?!

After Nate left for work I did some stuff around the house & then got so sleepy! So, I turned on QVC (yeah…still love watching that show! Haha!) & took a nap for a few hours!  I am so not a napper & once I got up, I remembered why…because I’m now more tired than I was before I napped! Haha!

Oh well, I suppose. Nate will be home in a couple hours & then we get to spend all day tomorrow, so I’m excited for that!

Lots of good, exciting things going on! God is so good!

Here’s a couple pages I’ve done recently…not sure why they’re so fuzzy. I hope my scanner isn’t konkin’ out on me!

Here’s to a great week!!

so this is how it happened

 

It’s been a long day, right? Like, busy day at work, I’m already tired, came home to be greeted by the best dog in the world, made him some scrumptious (I think? Ha.) treats that he LOVED! Mom called for the 4^th time today...she filled me in on their “not so exciting/awesome weekend trip”,  I opened up 2 of the sweetest birthday cards from my in-laws (Nate’s dad & step mom) & his little sister, Lauren…oh gosh…melted my heart at little Lauren’s sentiment; “Nichole you are truEly adorable! Smile God loves you! Love Lauren”-in her precious little 6 year old handwriting & please note the “e” in truly. How precious is that?! :) Made me smile so big!

Then, I cleaned the entire house, including the bathroom, twice. No joke.  The worker men got so much dust & gunk all over.  the room was a mess!

I didn’t even eat dinner.

So, I finally sit down at the computer, to do the usual:  check my Myspace, log into AOL, but not actually look at my emails quite yet, browse etsy for a matter of minutes. As I’m looking at my Myspace I notice my girl, Kristina’s profile is gone (I also had a Myspace message from her, but couldn’t see it b/c her account was deleted). Uh oh, I thought. So to back to AOL I go to write her an email to see if everything is ok and literally just as I click AOL, my phone rings. I head to the kitchen to get it…it’s Kristina!!  I am SO excited! We’ve been friends for almost 2 years & have never talked on the phone I was stoked, but still kind of worried, thinking, but hoping nothing was wrong!  And this is what happened:

 

K: hi is nichole there?

Me: this is! Hiii!

K: Hi! Do you know who this is?!

Me: of course! I have you on my phone! How are you?! Is everything ok?!

K: yep! I just wanted to know if you’ve seen the list.

Me (clueless): what list?

K: Oh Nichole…are you serious?!

Me: yes. Serious. :)

Hahahaha.

K: you totally made the AMERICAN CRAFTS DESIGN TEAM!!!! You are on the list!!

Me: Ohmygosh!! Nuh’ uh!!!  Seriously? Are you kidding?! You’re kidding!

 

She wasn’t kidding!!  I really did make the AC team!!! Oh my dear, sweet Lord!!!

K asked me if I had checked my email…I said no, but was about to. I RAN into the office…hopped on aol...chattering to K the whole time still in shock (lets be honest, I’m STILL in shock!) to see THE email. Holy crap!!

 

I wouldn’t have wanted to hear the news any other way than Kristina calling me!! I am seriously so tickled, so in shock, so grateful for this amazing opportunity! Thank you American Crafts for giving me a chance!!

I get to create for not only one of my favorite manufacturers, but join some amazing, amazing talent! Seriously, how the heck did this happen??! Unreal!

Anyways, I just wanted to record this so I could remember this awesome feeling forever!!

Oh. and it’s now after

9 p.m.

& I still haven’t eaten! Hahaha! Still too excited!

 

Before I go, I want to say thank you to Kristina! Seriously, like I told you on the phone, I wish we could have served on the team together!  I am so thankful you encouraged me to enter…I never enter stuff like this…because, lets be honest, there’s way better talent out there! Lol but I’m so glad that you encouraged me to enter-you are such an amazing friend girl! Love you!

 

Annnyways, my week just got much better! Thank you Lord!

Hope you all have an amazing weekend! :) :) :)

here's the other LO I did...we're SO far from normal it ain't even funny! ;)

7 days until 24.

Is it bad that it wasn’t even until today that I realized it’s my birthday next week? Yikes!

I guess it’s true what they say-the older you get, the less fun it becomes?! lol

Nah. I really don’t feel that way, but my, has the time flown! It’s August tomorrow already? Really?!

Anywhoo..I took the day off…and have nothing planned. Eh. Whatev.

Nate will have to work in the evening & I just want to sleep in & maybe go to lunch.

We’ll see!

 

In other news…

Craemer is here!  He’s currently laying on the papason  (sp?) cushion konked out! So cute!

The new shower/tub is also here…and evry much unusable, because Lowe’s gave the guy 2 left sides. Nice. So, thank goodness for wonderful parents who live 3 minutes away, giving us their garage door opener so Nate can shower at

12:30

this morning after work..and I can shower in the morning before work. Blah, this stinks.

It has been a pretty crappy week. I have been super busy with stuff at both work & home, I feel like our house is a wreck, I am exhausted, I miss Nate, and my mother in law has decided to drop on by this Sunday & Monday. Lovely.

I know I must sound mean, but eh. I’m just not happy about last minute stays. Call me crabby, I don’t care. LOL ;)

So, I’ll get to spend all of Sunday afternoon & evening with her alone. I hope it goes well, that’s all I’m saying.

I went to an Uppercase Living party last night at my friend Katie’s. SUPER cute stuff!  With us being renters, I hate the thought of putting something on my walls that can’t be there for a long time, ya know?  So, I was excited to find out that stuff sticks to anything! I bought a D monogram & “est. 2006” for a perfect idea they had in their catalog…can’t wait for it to get here & to hit up some antique stores for just the right window pane or frame!

Anywhoo, it’s past my bedtime & I am so tired.

Here’s to a good weekend! Hopefully?

oh, here's a page I did for the ac dt team call. i love this girl. :)